i just want xmas to go away

im usually a person that can look forward to xmas but this year it has been awful. my brother was admitted into hospital the week before and he died on xmas day morning he was53 and it was a waste of a life he was an alcoholic. i had tried i thought to do all i could i visited him at home i tried to get him help with different docters etc but in the end he did not or could not take the help and so he died, in the end he did not seem the brother i had known i will miss him im arranging the funeral but its difficult at this time of year but im doing my best. my self harming has slowed down it was going one way or the other and my family do not want to loose me too.my DBT course is ongoing its hard i didnt expect it to be but put 5 people in a room all with BPD and everything seems to become far too real all i want to do is cut when i come out it sounds like a sick joke 5 of us trying to survive a 1 year course.ive completly fallen off the diabetic diet and its making me feel crap all the buiscuits cakes pies etc all i shouldnt eat i have and im due at the docters thurday my life has fallen to bits and im not sure how to get it all going again.my docter has refused to order my new prescription as its 2 days early they count my diazapan out to the day they make me feel like a child although i think ive gone around most of them trying to get more just a few to take me over this xmas but no chance.im sorry we all seem to be having a rough time i wont say next year will be better as i know with experience it will be just as crap

have you had any problems

ive not been around for a while so ive not been checking my emails for a couple of days so today when i looked i had 20 all about BPD and blogging most were offensive some are not but none of them are about me it was quite a shock has anyone else had this problem if you have how can i stop getting them i never get any comments so i thought no one was intersted but if thats true its better than all the offensive ones can you help me