struggling on BPD

For some reason i cant think of a title today maybe my brains turned to mush lifecarries on i went for a drink in the town centre today these are the only times i go except for once a year when my daughter and i go xmas shopping.so i go with my friend once a month shes actually my old cpn but they moved her to a different department,i miss her so very much she understands about BPD the problems and the emotional baggage that comes with it .i was doing so much better all my new one talks about is being possitive its like she thinks like a miserable sod on purpose.the thing is i know i have depression but i want to just lock that part away and concentrate on the borderline emotions,how my moods can fluctuate from ok to suicidal even in the same day ifeel my life hangs from a thread in which i have no control even in a room full of people i feel at my most alone and insicure this in when the self harm comes in to feel so alone ,unwanted and uncared for makes me want to scream that i just want someone to hold me but i cannot bare the thought of being touched i am now 46 ispent 14 years being dianozed between manic depressive and bi-polar before 2 years ago they finally got it right.the docters gave me a book about BPD it was like it had been written about me how did they get it wrong for such a long time.it might have labbelled me for life but at least its the right one