messing around with medication

i can think of a witty title today, im tired of it all i went to the scyhciatrist yesterday he is nice and listens to me my cpn got me an emergency appointment with him.hes the top docter and i am one of the few that hasnt been given to another docter im scared one day he will hand me over to another docter that wont care about me and just consider me one more scycotic idiot.im not sure im getting along with my new cpn i cant cope with change so ive found a new way to help,ive started doubling or in some cases trebling what im taking just to see if im still around the next morning but ive been caught out becauuse i get my prescriptions monthly so im running out.i talked about this with him as he was going to find out anyway from my gp so im only allowed a few at a time now.ive also been told i cant come in to see them without covering my cuts because it freaks people out but they dont care about me so why should i care about them.i feel so very very lonely no one seems to understand my life is like hell sometimes i go from one idea to the next hoping something will help but all i try fails.im 45 now i cant keep living like this.they wont put me in hospital in case it makes me worse but ive asked for copies of the letters in my file between my scyhciatrist and gp to see what they say about me but i dont know if i will get them so until later