the darkness is coming and i cant hide

something is coming its dark and horrible ive known i guess for a while now but didnt want to admit to it because i am the only one that can stop it my family will suffer if i stay the only way to stop it is to go. the last two weeks the depression has got worse the ideas in my head ,the voices are back they have come to tell me the darkness is coming.last week i used up my diazapan early and had to beg my gp for some for over the weekend until i pick up my monthly supply tommorrow is the day i get a month of quatiapine,diazapan and duluxatine i do not want a stranger to find me or a family member i will try to ring my gp.i need help desperatly but dont know who to go to i dont get on with my cpn and she only works thursday friday so im alone i cant tell my gp whats happening i might need him to find me.my family love me but i must save them from the darkness they have put up with me for so long i feel there is no hope left for me now i need help to fight the darkness that is coming but i am alone with it only i can stop it.BPD wrecked my hole life im 45 and ive been fighting all my life the last 16 years with medication people say i will get better but its a lie.i just want to stay in bed and dream my own death is that normal i cant cope with life its too hard and i cant let my family down i have been a coward all my life am i doing the right thing will my family miss me am i doing the right thing or not i dont know i just cant be like this anymore