sitting in the corner

i had come out of a really bad few weeks ones if everything had gone right i would not be here still boring you about my boring life and its problems.thats what i feel i am boring i cant hold down a job like most people can and i know now i never will.i live my life with my family at home most days doing nothing more than wanting to hide from the human race. i am being selfish i know i have people who want to help me some days someone will come most days to check on the state of my "mental health" mondays its down to the docters tuesday its mt support worker wednesday im on a course in huddersfield for two hours in the afternoon thursday its my scyhcoligist and my cpn both seperatly and fridays every 4 weeks or so its the scyhcitrist so i do get lots of help and i dont mean to sound ungratefull.i wanted to get on the weight management course but they wont accept me until i havnt self harmed for 6 months at the moment if im not too bad i can go for 2 to 3 days any ideas welcome on how to loose weight while im on 700mg of quiapine nightly as well as diazapan and anti deppressents really if you shake me i might rattle does anyone know what works better for BPD because i feel like ive tried all thats going.i just feel so lonely just know and tired i slept last night but my heads on a different planet.im on my own all today everyones gone out so i guess i should do the housework its getting a mess but all i want to do is watch rubbish on tv well stare at itv anyway i dont really take it in.hopefully im on the november course for the 12 month schycology couse there will be others with BPD there too up to now i have met no one else i dont know anyone with mental health problems i think that makes me stand out all the more just once i want someone to understand me is that aski8ng too much