still here

i dont want to be here i went to pick up the planned prescription from the chemist but the gp hasnt done it yet he promised me it would be ready now i cant fetch it until late afternoon by then its too late to do anything as there all be coming home.now i have to find another day.the phone just rung it was my new thereapist with an appiontment to go and see her but its not while next week is it woth me waiting to see if it will help or should i just find another day for my plan,i  dont know im scared to die i dont want to hurt my children or my husband but they will be better off without me.the voices seem to be taking control i need to talk to someone last time i rung the crisis team i dont know whether to ring again. im so lost i wish i had a friend but thers no one. tommorrow i have a support worker coming wednesday i have the stepping stones course then thursday i have the cpn im going to try to get to see my phsyciatrist this week if she can get him to see me.im going to try that if it dosent work i will still have the meds then they say i didnt try everything.ive had to start cutting the other arm now because theres not much skin left but i dont want to ruin my tattoo can someone help me am i doing the right thing waiting or not