im so tired but i sleep when possible with the lamp on the nightmares are getting worse every night my death by suicide by murder it dosent matter i wake at the last second people stare at me from the bottem of my bed i stare back terrified why do they want me i am nothing i am no one
life can hurt i went up to my mothers today but she did not speak to me i tried talking to her but i was ignored i came home i dont know what ive done wrong i dont want to go again my self harm had been minimal the last few days tonight that will stop tonight it will be back to normal i will try not to get blood on the sheets.
my support worker came over to see me i told her about mum she said to put it to the back of my mind i only wanted my perants to love me dosent everyone want that but i failed somehow i wasnt good enough my sister is good enough but not me .tommorrow im going for my hair cut its been around 18 months since i last had it cut im having it short ive dyed it red hope i didnt make a mistake i did it when i was feeling better
so now im going to bed i can hear outnumbered on the tv behind me i usually find it funny but tonight ive taken a sleeping tablet so i can cope with tommorrow i feel alone so very very alone
you didn't ask to be born so you don't owe your mother anything. It sounds like she's not a very nice person to treat you like that, even if she is your mum. No one deserves to be ignored that way and you don't have to stand for it. take care
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